would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
