Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
