No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
