I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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