ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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