I will die if light touches me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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