i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
