Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
