So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
