He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
