I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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