How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
