i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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