I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize