if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
