I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
