her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
