i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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