Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pants are for mortals
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
