I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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