Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
