i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
