How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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