I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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