As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
