Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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