fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
