So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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