she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
