he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
