i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
