What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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