help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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