I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
