Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
