On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
