Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
