So drunk its hurt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
