The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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