I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
