This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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