i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
