drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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