I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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