I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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