it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
