get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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