Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
