thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
