Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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