Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
