I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
