Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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