im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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