Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
