if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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