Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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