I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
