All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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