SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
