i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
