I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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