So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
