apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
