there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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