She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
