Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
