Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
