and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
