I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize