walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
