Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
