Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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