you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
