Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
