He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
