I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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