I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
