Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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